Not a part of the plan

This wasn't part of the plan. I stood up, alone in a white walled room, maybe 25 feet square. The only apparent exit was a square opening, far above my head; light entered through it. Perhaps daylight, if so, I'd been in the white room for at least 12 hours.

I considered myself. I was hungry and thirsty, not starved or dehydrated, it was just time for a meal. Although, there was a medicine aftertaste lingering on the back of my tongue, a slightly metallic taste when I licked my lips. Maybe, I'd been fed and drugged. Maybe it had been a daily event, for weeks or longer. Within the White Room, there was nothing to mark time.


I knew I had a mild amnesia. This wasn't part of the plan. I couldn't remember the plan. Perhaps there was no plan. Maybe The Whiteroom was the universe, 5 x 5 x 25, with a 1 x 1 square hole in the ceiling, through which light entered. Maybe I'm God and this white walled room, is My Whiteroom and it is the universe.

I meditated, considering My Whiteroom.

I was aware, there had been a world and people and I was in charge. Or, maybe I was responsible. Maybe this was hell. Maybe, I'd angered God. My Whiteroom was his eternal retribution.

I tried to conjure water. If I was God, it would appear; God can create water from nothing, I think. Nothing happened. I tried to speak, my voice cracked and stuttered. I sucked on my tongue, working up saliva, conjuring the image of a peach in my mind to aid me. I swallowed and then I commanded “Water!” nothing but I persisted,“let there be Water!”

More nothing and maybe that settled it, I wasn't God.

Still, there had been a world and people and I had been in charge or at least responsible. So, this may be hell. If I lived and did not die, I'd know this would be my eternity. Tho, perhaps not. I'd been promised a God of compassion and forgiveness, who'd provide reward eternal for the injustice of life. I'd choose oblivion and atheism over this or any hell, I'd convert and free myself to void or nirvana or some forgotten realm. I know, I chose their faith despite the God in the books, with the bronze age notions of right and wrong.

On the edge of my memory, something lurked. This wasn't part of the plan. I felt nothing but frustration as I tried to grasp it.

There had been void and within the void, matter expanded, and in time a firmament was founded, 5 feet by 5 feet. Given more time, walls formed upward from that firmament. Eventually, a ceiling formed to contain the firmament, with a square hole through which light could pass. Finally, a human awoke within that room, My Whiteroom, and that human was God and God's Victim and also Devout Atheist. But also, before that, there had been a world, with people and this human had been their leader or at least responsible. None of which had been a part of the plan.